I have been on a few quests recently, many of which come down to a passionate drive to remove everything in my life that shames me. Or, stated more philosophically, I’ve been on a quest for coherence and authenticity.
The most public element is my health and fitness, but eating better and exercising is just one consequence of a broad change in perspective that continues to evolve as my consciousness is raised and my eyes are opened to the reality that is – the reality of now. This dedication to a brutal and sometimes gut-wrenching honesty requires a change in perspective – a change that appears to contain a paradox.
First, I must accept what is. Self-protecting lies (self-delusions) distort the map we use to navigate life. If we want a good map, if we want to actually arrive where we say we want to go, we need not only explicit honesty (speaking, acting, and hearing truth), but also a more implicit honesty (believing and feeling truth). This acceptance results in a coherency between what we say, do, believe, and feel about ourselves and the world.
Second, I must reject what is. If the reality of my life is being unhealthy, over-stressed, under-energized, ashamed of my habits and lifestyle, lonely and unfulfilled, then I must reject these things as being part of my identity. As I have written elsewhere, we fiercely protect our identity - our image of self – good or bad, even as we wish we were different. So it is vital that we do not accept these things as being a part of who we are. Instead we must see them as something we are doing, feeling, or experiencing… currently. Over-identification with problems is like putting a self-limiting label on our forehead – one that we have to stare at every morning in the mirror. We are more than the circumstance of our lives.
Although accepting what is and rejecting what is might seem paradoxical, it isn’t. We can accept the reality of now, accept what is, but reject that the negatives in our lives have power of us. We cannot let them be what defines us. We have power, agency, and responsibility.
We must confess the crimes we have committed against ourselves before we can forgive and move past self-victimization. We must dare to see the mess before we can clean it up. And we must love our broken selves before we can have the compassion we need to nurture that self, heal our wounds, and step forward into a healthy, authentic, and coherent life.
The most public element is my health and fitness, but eating better and exercising is just one consequence of a broad change in perspective that continues to evolve as my consciousness is raised and my eyes are opened to the reality that is – the reality of now. This dedication to a brutal and sometimes gut-wrenching honesty requires a change in perspective – a change that appears to contain a paradox.
First, I must accept what is. Self-protecting lies (self-delusions) distort the map we use to navigate life. If we want a good map, if we want to actually arrive where we say we want to go, we need not only explicit honesty (speaking, acting, and hearing truth), but also a more implicit honesty (believing and feeling truth). This acceptance results in a coherency between what we say, do, believe, and feel about ourselves and the world.
Second, I must reject what is. If the reality of my life is being unhealthy, over-stressed, under-energized, ashamed of my habits and lifestyle, lonely and unfulfilled, then I must reject these things as being part of my identity. As I have written elsewhere, we fiercely protect our identity - our image of self – good or bad, even as we wish we were different. So it is vital that we do not accept these things as being a part of who we are. Instead we must see them as something we are doing, feeling, or experiencing… currently. Over-identification with problems is like putting a self-limiting label on our forehead – one that we have to stare at every morning in the mirror. We are more than the circumstance of our lives.
Although accepting what is and rejecting what is might seem paradoxical, it isn’t. We can accept the reality of now, accept what is, but reject that the negatives in our lives have power of us. We cannot let them be what defines us. We have power, agency, and responsibility.
We must confess the crimes we have committed against ourselves before we can forgive and move past self-victimization. We must dare to see the mess before we can clean it up. And we must love our broken selves before we can have the compassion we need to nurture that self, heal our wounds, and step forward into a healthy, authentic, and coherent life.
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