How to be Happy

I've read a lot of happiness literature, tried of lot of experiments, had a lot of kicks in the teeth, and in the end have been left wondering why it is that I appear to be happier than most people.

Part of the reason, most likely, is brain chemistry (the nature part of nature versus nature), but one of the most awesome things about being a human is that we have a superpower: the ability to change ourselves fundamentally, right down to the level of rewiring our brains.

So here is my list of how to be happy - a to-do list that can, over time, change you so profoundly that being at peace becomes a part of your nature and not just a feeling you get to experience once in a while when conditions are favorable:

• Have Goals. Have goals that you’re working on. One of the secrets to happiness is to always have something to look forward to. We can’t cruise. We are either moving backward or we are moving forward.
• Relate to Others: Share your life, good and bad, with people who love you. We are all social people. Introverted or extroverted, it only matters in terms of degree. We all need to be touched, loved, listened to, cared for, and we need to do all those things to others. Warning: You can love and help miserable people, but beware their poison. Miserable people will inject you with it in a foolish attempt to be free of it themselves.
• Create: Have a creative outlet. Build something, plant something, nurture a life, take a picture, write a story, paint a painting... anything in which you use your mind and your hands to bring something into existence that didn’t exist before.
• Give: When you help others you correct the distortions in your perspective. Simply put, staring at your own problems all day makes you crazy. Be a part of something bigger than yourself. It keeps you oriented.
• Embrace Reality: Almost all emotional suffering comes from a refusal to accept how things really are. Trying to force your wishes onto reality can only do one thing: make you miserable. Is the negative thing something you can change? No? Accept it or walk away. Yes? Make a plan and change it. Those are the only two sane options. The only paths to peace.
• Live in the Now: Energy sent into the past or projected into the future is lost. Visit the past and imagine the future when necessary, but to live either in the past or the future is to be a ghost. Bring your energy into this moment and live here.
• Take Care of Yourself: Care for your body, mind, and spirit. If you pollute your body, mind, and spirit, then what do you suppose is going to come out of your life?
• Take Ownership of Your Life: Your ship isn’t coming in. You’re not going to win the lottery. No one is going to save you. Finding a better lover won’t fix your problems. You own your own experience. Starting today, take responsibility for the quality of your life and stop giving your power away to others.
• Carry Yourself Like a Happy Person: I don’t suggest you pretend to be happy, but I do suggest you try to be happy. Shoulders back, smile when you can, walk strong, and make eye contact. Try being sad while dancing to an awesome song and you’ll see what I mean.

The next time you're sad, take a look at this list. It's not a magic formula to make everything okay, it's a series of guideposts to help steer you back onto the path that leads to peace and happiness, even when the road you are on today is a hard one.

What if something horrible is happening? Say you lost of loved one. You're devastated. You're a human, you should be. No one (who really cares about you) expects you to be happy. Take all the time you need to heal and grieve. But everything in the list is still true. Take care of yourself, try to accept the reality of what is, connect to loved ones... it all still works.