Friday, September 13, 2013
Friday, September 6, 2013
Overcoming Addiction
One of the keys to overcoming addiction is not trying to fight the behavior directly, but by becoming aware of the key moment you feel trapped or helpless. That moment is often the hidden trigger that starts the process that leads to you acting on your addiction. When you become aware of your trigger, that is the time to perform a positive action, however small, that gives you a sense of control over the situation.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
The Prison of Abstinence and the Art of Cheating
Scientific studies of human behavior have shown a strong correlation between a sense of personal control and happiness. Therefore, a lack of freedom and control depresses us. Couple that with the allure of forbidden pleasures (Hello cravings and fixation!), and we have a losing combination when it comes to dieting.
This is because dieting often possesses you with two distressing thoughts: “I can’t eat what I want – my choices are severely limited.” And “Things I’m not supposed to eat look really awesome!”
So is there a way to avoid these factors that undermine dieting? I think there is, and that is the Art of Cheating.
If you intentionally plan to cheat on your diet, you diminish the likelihood that you’ll abandon it completely when the going gets tough. How does this work? Simply like this: You absolutely can have what you want, just within reason. There is one day a week where you can partake of the forbidden food or drink. Decide in advance how much is a reasonable amount to have, and then eat or drink it not just without guilt, but with enjoyment. “Yum, it’s my favorite, and I get to have it once a week!” Planned cheating turns moderate consumption of favorite foods into a positive experience rather than another reason to kick yourself in the teeth and feel guilty about your lack of self-control.
Having a cheat day accomplishes at least two things. One, it prevents the body from going into starvation mode (decreased metabolism, increased fat storage, hormonal changes), and two, it gives you psychological freedom (the happiness factor) that reassures you that that you are not in some sort of Prison of Abstinence.
As a friend pointed out to me, however, this idea treads near some dangerous waters. Using food as a reward is a Big Bad Idea. So for people with life-long eating issues or serious food addictions, controlled cheating can easily turn into uncontrolled cheating, and then a downward spiral that results in anything but happiness.
But if you are like me and find the thought of “never” and “can’t” to be paralyzing, perhaps this idea can free you to move forward with your goals.
In the end, which is better, a diet that is 80% effective yet sustainable, or a diet that is, in theory, 100% effective, but becomes worthless because you quit?
This is because dieting often possesses you with two distressing thoughts: “I can’t eat what I want – my choices are severely limited.” And “Things I’m not supposed to eat look really awesome!”
So is there a way to avoid these factors that undermine dieting? I think there is, and that is the Art of Cheating.
If you intentionally plan to cheat on your diet, you diminish the likelihood that you’ll abandon it completely when the going gets tough. How does this work? Simply like this: You absolutely can have what you want, just within reason. There is one day a week where you can partake of the forbidden food or drink. Decide in advance how much is a reasonable amount to have, and then eat or drink it not just without guilt, but with enjoyment. “Yum, it’s my favorite, and I get to have it once a week!” Planned cheating turns moderate consumption of favorite foods into a positive experience rather than another reason to kick yourself in the teeth and feel guilty about your lack of self-control.
Having a cheat day accomplishes at least two things. One, it prevents the body from going into starvation mode (decreased metabolism, increased fat storage, hormonal changes), and two, it gives you psychological freedom (the happiness factor) that reassures you that that you are not in some sort of Prison of Abstinence.
As a friend pointed out to me, however, this idea treads near some dangerous waters. Using food as a reward is a Big Bad Idea. So for people with life-long eating issues or serious food addictions, controlled cheating can easily turn into uncontrolled cheating, and then a downward spiral that results in anything but happiness.
But if you are like me and find the thought of “never” and “can’t” to be paralyzing, perhaps this idea can free you to move forward with your goals.
In the end, which is better, a diet that is 80% effective yet sustainable, or a diet that is, in theory, 100% effective, but becomes worthless because you quit?
Friday, August 9, 2013
Be a Light
Be a light in this world. The good will be drawn to you and grow in your warmth. The bad will shrink back or wither.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Adversity
A time of adversity is like so many stones being dumped on your head. It hurts, and you just want to throw your arms up to protect yourself. You want to give up. But if you stop fighting, you get buried.
So you keep struggling, you persevere. And when the dust settles, you look down and see a curious thing: you now stand on a mountain that was built from those painful stones.
You look up and see a breathtakingly beautiful view. The vista you now see is not only one of beauty, but many of the problems that loomed so large and intimidating now look so much smaller and less significant.
And as you stand on your mountain of stones, a survivor, a person of vision and perspective, you might even give humble thanks for the time of adversity that, although it brought pain for a time, has given you such a wonderful gift.
So you keep struggling, you persevere. And when the dust settles, you look down and see a curious thing: you now stand on a mountain that was built from those painful stones.
You look up and see a breathtakingly beautiful view. The vista you now see is not only one of beauty, but many of the problems that loomed so large and intimidating now look so much smaller and less significant.
And as you stand on your mountain of stones, a survivor, a person of vision and perspective, you might even give humble thanks for the time of adversity that, although it brought pain for a time, has given you such a wonderful gift.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Reality and Attachment
Reality is a powerful force. Our attachment to our stories is a powerful force. Suffering comes from the collision of our story (our ideas about how things should be) against reality (what is).
To find peace, we must change what we can, get out the situation if we must, or simply accept that at least for now, this is the reality we have. The freedom that comes from making one of those choices can be life-changing.
We don't have to be passive or pretend that bad is good. Just realize that trying to change reality by raging against it with thought and emotion not only does not work, it hurts us a great deal. To accept reality is a profound act of self-love.
To stop the pointless war between “what is” and “how we wish things were” is to stop the collateral damage that war has on our peace and happiness. Let reality and our story live, if not as partners and friends, at least in peaceful co-existence.
To find peace, we must change what we can, get out the situation if we must, or simply accept that at least for now, this is the reality we have. The freedom that comes from making one of those choices can be life-changing.
We don't have to be passive or pretend that bad is good. Just realize that trying to change reality by raging against it with thought and emotion not only does not work, it hurts us a great deal. To accept reality is a profound act of self-love.
To stop the pointless war between “what is” and “how we wish things were” is to stop the collateral damage that war has on our peace and happiness. Let reality and our story live, if not as partners and friends, at least in peaceful co-existence.
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