Acceptance of other people as they are right now - not who they could be, who they are trying to be, or who we hope they will be - is a great challenge. If we are in a relationship with a serious incompatibility, we have to ask ourselves, “What if this is never conquered – never resolved?”
If we can’t accept that the other person will remain as they are now… forever, then should we accept it now?
To paraphrase don Miguel Ruiz, if you have a dog, trying to get it to “Meow” for you will only be frustrating for you both. Though giving up a relationship, or the expectation in a relationship, will hurt you both for a time, the dog wants to be loved for being a dog, not to live with the pressure of feeling like a second-rate cat. So if you want a cat, get one, or learn to love the sound of “Woof!”
In your personal conflicts, be more kind, more patient, more tolerant, more understanding, and more forgiving than you think is warranted.
Although we believe we have perspective on a situation or relationship, we rarely do. Most everyone is engaged in some brutal, private war, the nature of which we do not comprehend.
-Extrapolated from a quote attributed to T.H. Thompson and John Watson
Why try to change anything about those we love? He or she has the right to be whomever he or she is - has the right to be free. And we have the right to choose that relationship... or not. This is respect.
When love, attention, support, and respect are freely and generously given, it seems they are often not appreciated. Taken for granted, seen as low value, they are cast aside in lieu of love, attention, or respect that is tantalizingly out of reach. We all want, and desperately need those things, but we also seem to desperately want them from those who withhold them, not from those who readily give.
Sometimes you may feel played or used, or even like an unappreciated chump, but at the end of the day it is ok if you can say that you have loved the best that you could.
You will never allow someone to love you more than you love yourself - not for long. If he or she tries, you will undermine the relationship and prove once again to yourself that you are not worthy. So if you want real love, you don't need to fix yourself -- you just have to make peace with your imperfections.
You can do nothing about all that has happened before this day, so do not waste any more energy on the past.
